Redefine Success: What I Wish I Knew at 17
“Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands. ”
As a millennial woman, I believe many of us were raised with the same narrative:
To be successful, you need to get good grades, go to college, earn a degree, land the perfect job in your field, and work your way up. If you wanted marriage and children, that was fine—you could "have it all."
Sound familiar?
Now, at 37, I take issue with this narrative—not because success and family are mutually exclusive, but because they left out the reality of sacrifice. A thriving career often means missing out on precious family moments. You might not be there for every ball game, bedtime story, or even your child’s first steps. And when you are home, work stress may linger, and you may be too fatigued to enjoy it.
I don’t believe the message we received was entirely false or intentionally misleading, but now that I’ve lived it, I wish my priorities had been different. If I could speak to my 17-year-old self, here’s what I’d say:
1 – A College Degree Will Not Determine Your Success
Our generation was told that success required a four-year degree. If you could squeeze in two degrees or a master’s, even better. And student loans? No big deal—everyone had them, and paying them off into your thirties was just part of life. What a joke!
Early in my career, I saw countless balance sheets where people were drowning in student loan debt with little to show for it. A degree isn’t an asset, but the debt certainly counts against you. Many spend years trying to climb out from under this financial burden—one that was often unnecessary and delayed their financial success.
In my late twenties, I watched a younger cousin attend a nine-month trade school at a fraction of the cost of my four-year business degree. Within a short time, he was earning more than I was. From a financial perspective, I completely missed the mark. I didn’t need a university degree to be successful, and neither do you.
2 – Your Career is Not Your Identity
One of the hardest decisions I ever made was leaving my banking career to stay home with my children. Even four years later, I still struggle to admit how difficult it was—it should have been the easiest choice. But the reason it was hard? I had tied my identity to my career. Without “Kari the Banker,” I wasn’t sure who I was.
In America, we define ourselves by our work. When meeting someone new, one of the first questions is always, “What do you do?” I used to think this was competitiveness, but now I see it as an identity crisis. If your identity is firmly rooted in Christ, your occupation doesn’t define you. In the end, your job title is meaningless.
3 – Focus on Being a Good Wife
Every little girl dreams of her wedding day—I was no exception. But I wish the focus had been less on the wedding day and more on the marriage years. In our culture, when a couple has been dating for a year or more, the inevitable question is, “When are you getting married?” But where are the conversations about what it takes to be a good and devoted wife?
Marriage requires sacrifice—putting your spouse before yourself. I wasn’t fully prepared for that, and it has made marriage harder than it should be. Looking at happily married couples now, I see both husband and wife are sacrificial – selfless and love unconditionally. Our culture, steeped in self-indulgence, conveniently leaves that part out. Too often, we keep score rather than keep our commitments.
4 – There is No Shame in Being a Stay-At-Home Mom
Society tells us that stay-at-home moms are lazy—that they “don’t work.” Let me tell you something: I’ve been on all sides of this—working full-time with my child in daycare, staying home full-time, and doing a hybrid model while running my own business - and I can tell you, staying home full-time is the hardest job of all.
When I worked full-time, I could drop my son off at daycare and focus on my job. But when I transitioned to full-time motherhood, I was exhausted. The housework never ends. When you’re not home all day, the dishes and laundry don’t pile up as fast—but when you are, it’s nonstop. I remember counting down the hours until my husband came home, desperate for relief.
It was hard—but it was also the greatest gift. That time with my kids is something I will never get back. One of my greatest regrets is not being with my oldest son when he was a baby. I went back to work after six weeks of maternity leave, and now the thought of it breaks my heart. It took God stripping me from my career after my second son was born (a story for another day) to make me realize the blessing of staying home. Looking back, I’m so grateful I had that time with my young boys before it was gone. God knew I needed it more than I did.
To all the stay-at-home moms: God bless you. You are doing the hardest, most important work of all, and your family will be blessed for it. Despite what the world says, your children will never resent you for choosing them over the corporate ladder.
For young women dreaming of a family one day, I pray you have the opportunity to stay home with your children—it is a gift, not only for you but for them.
Conclusion
If I could do it all over again, I don’t know that I would change my path, but I would change my perspective on what truly matters. A college degree and a successful career are commendable achievements, but the greatest blessings in life are found in being a loving wife and mother. If you have the opportunity, cherish it above all else.
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“If you bungle raising your children, I don’t think whatever else you do matters very much.”
