Marriage: Fairy Tales Forgot the Fine Print
“And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge – that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.”
Can I be very direct?
I have a bone to pick with Walt Disney – not only due to recent controversies but also due to my misconstrued views of marriage. As a child, I loved Disney movies, but Cinderella, Belle, Ariel, and a few other princesses gave me the wrong impression. I thought once you found Prince Charming, the hard part was over…
My husband, Tyson, and I have been married for 12 years, and were together many years before that. He is my best friend, the father of my children, and my business partner. He is the love of my life and there is no doubt God made us for each other. He is unmistakably my rock, but to be real, there are some days I could pick up my “rock” and throw him.
A recent disagreement left us at odds, and I was very frustrated with the situation. In my annoyance, I asked God, “Why is marriage so hard?” He responded:
“It is not meant to be hard.”
Not satisfied, I responded, “Ok. Then why do we make it so hard?” Without missing a beat, He answered:
“Because you do not know how to love, Kari.”
If there is one thing God is good at, it is putting me in my place.
Admittedly, I don’t love well, and when I examine why, it is rooted in misconception and rebellion. We live in a very self-indulgent culture that teaches us to move on when something doesn’t suit us. In marriage, that’s not an option, and both parties must compromise to work things out. But even when an issue is seemingly resolved, feelings of hurt can still seed resentment, one of the oldest sins of all time – just take a moment to read the story of Cain and Abel in Genesis 4.
Then there is this verse:
“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” – Ephesians 5:22-24 (ESV)
In my rebellious nature, I tend to push back on this idea. However, I dislike things to be taken out of context, and this verse often is. To truly appreciate and understand it, you must keep reading:
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” – Ephesians 5:25-28 (ESV)
In this example, a husband is called to love his wife sacrificially, as Christ loved the church. In a relationship where there is genuine love, respect becomes a natural tendency. If you know the other person loves you and wants only what is best for you, trust and respect are a real result. In a relationship without love, respect is much harder to earn let alone give.
When we get to the root of our problems in any relationship, there is often a lack of love for one another. It’s easy to keep score with the ones who hurt you, but God doesn’t do that, so why should we (see Psalm 103:10-12)? You have probably heard the phrase, “Love like you’ll never get hurt,” but does anyone live that way? Christ actually does…full stop.
Let me challenge you: Could you love fully for one full week? Could you love, respect, and serve fully, regardless of how it was reciprocated?
It's easy to blame Walt Disney for our misconceptions, but the truth is, we can all do better. As God said to me, “It [marriage] is not meant to be hard.”
Just as Paul prayed for the Ephesian church, I pray:
“That you, being rooted and established in love, may have power together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge – that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.”
Additional References for Study:
Genesis 4: The story of Cain and Abel.
Psalm 103:10-12: God’s forgiveness and grace, reminding us not to keep score.
Romans 12:10: “Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.”
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“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.”
